This hasn’t always been my way. In the past I have behaved in ways that I’m not proud of, but I have to forgive myself for that as I’m not the same person now. I feel lucky that I decided to change my ways when I was young (21), and it kind of happened with a series of flukes. One day I went along to the naturopath with a friend, and I struck gold. It was my first experience with this kind of therapy, and I have since seen probably 5 or 6 others and never found any as kind as this. Maybe it was because she didn’t do naturopathy stuff to me – but instead just spoke a little common sense. I was recommended a book by Louise Hay called “You can heal your life”, and although there were some parts to it that I skimmed over, I do have to say this book started turning my life around.
I became more aware of the way I treated others, and especially of how I reacted to people. I was a snapper, an irrational arguer, someone who would say hurtful things in a fight to stir things up. I didn’t care if my yelling and screaming was hurting other people’s feelings. I blamed arguments and problems on everyone else and would not take responsibility for the way I was behaving. Somehow I started noticing my narrow minded negative thoughts and how they impacted on my relationships. I could see what was causing destructive patterns in my behaviour. But I didn’t necessarily start to change at this point.
My next port of call was to a spiritual healer. And this is where things really started falling into place. I have so much love in my heart for this woman, there were days where I wish I could hit her with a shrink ray gun and keep her in my pocket for safe keeping.
She was like a mother, full of compassion, wisdom, common sense. She would give me her opinion on situations and let me know when I was behaving a fool but in such a way that I never felt offended or like I was being attacked. Here, I was allowed to make mistakes, allowed to do the wrong thing and it could be made right with her words. She gave me hope and taught me to believe in myself and this was what I needed in order to make the changes that would help me be a better person. I finally felt that it was possible to change, and I had someone to support me through the process.
In order to change who I was, I first needed to see my damaging ways and want to fix them. I then needed guidance and support from someone not intimately connected to my life to help me find my way. I also required someone to believe in me and my ability to be better, to tell me that I wasn’t wasting my time trying to change. Almost ten years on, I still slip up and the nastiness rears its ugly head now and again. But I take notice, and do something about it. It’s like a flashing light letting me know something’s not quite right, that something has fallen out of balance and I’m focusing my energy on the wrong things.
If you notice things about yourself that you want to change but are afraid that you can’t – let me give you hope. Someone out there believes you can do it, they won’t tell you it will be easy but they say it will be worth it. It’s never a straight and direct path but hey, it’s a journey and an adventure! If I can do it, so can you.